Sorry, ESPN, A Real Man Would Have Walked Away

I would have laughed, had I not been so irritated listening to the ESPN commentators wondering how the ugly scene that took place between fans and the Indiana Pacers at an NBA game in Detroit could have been prevented. Laughed, because the answer was so obvious. Irritated, because the same men asking the question were condoning the behavior responsible.

In case you missed it – I’m not sure how you could have – a brawl involving players and fans broke out when Indiana’s Ron Artest attacked a fan after being hit with a beverage thrown from the stands. Now, certainly the fan who threw the cup initiated the brouhaha. But it was Ron Artest’s response that escalated it into perhaps the ugliest scene in sports memory.

In sorting it out afterward, the ESPN crew – John Saunders, Greg Anthony, Stephen A. Smith and Tim Legler – to a man defended Artest’s decision to go into the stands, saying that anyone would have done the same thing under the circumstances. John Saunders went so far as to say a similar response would be justified if it took place in Times Square.

That’s when I got irritated. The underlying theme was a testosterone-driven attitude that no self-respecting man would ever walk away from a challenge to their honor. I am sorry, but they have it 180 degrees wrong.

A self-respecting man does not feel the need to defend his honor at the drop of a hat. A self-respecting man doesn’t care about the slights of others. And a self-respecting man doesn’t care if others view him as weak for walking away from a fight, because he knows in his own heart that the real sign of strength is in the ability to walk away.

Too bad the ESPN crew didn’t see it that way. They missed a golden opportunity to convey to a largely male audience that there is no dishonor in walking away. Instead, they fell into the same misguided mindset that caused Artest to retaliate. And in the process gave an excuse to the next clown who overreacts.

Think I’m wrong, and the ESPN guys were right? Well, let’s look at it. What if, instead of running wildly into the stands, Artest had simply walked to the center of the court and took a few deep breaths. Instead of being viewed today as the troubled problem child of the NBA, he’d have been heralded for his maturity and restraint.

It’s ironic that some would view the need to retaliate as a matter of self-respect, when that behavior is both a manifestation and a cause of low self-esteem. Yet the news is constantly filled with stories of altercations that arise because one party feels disrespected. In just the past month, we’ve had the NBA brawl, another between the Clemson and South Carolina football teams and one at the Vibe Awards show in Santa Monica, not to mention the six killed in Wisconsin in a dispute over a deer stand. Over and over we hear how one party "dissed" another.

So what do we do about it? Well, no public policy can instill self-respect. Instead, we as a society need to value restraint. We need to applaud those who walk away from the fray, letting it be known that doing nothing is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. Too bad our friends at ESPN missed their chance to do just that.