There's Nothing Manly About Immature Retorts

Last week, the Cincinnati Bengals' AJ Green justified punching Jacksonville Jaguars defensive back Jalen Ramsey on grounds that he had to set an example for his young son. That sentiment was backed up by an ESPN anchor, who agreed that anyone disrespected as AJ was needs to defend his honor. Today, we have White House spokesperson Kellyanne Conway justifying the President's childish tweet directed at North Korea's Kim Jong Un, asking why he'd call the President "old" when the President wouldn't call him "short and fat," by claiming, "That was just the president responding the way that he does when someone insulted him first."

Why would Kim Jong-un insult me by calling me "old," when I would NEVER call him "short and fat?" Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend - and maybe someday that will happen!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 12, 2017

We've seen similar defenses before. In 2004, another batch of ESPN commentators defended Indiana Pacer Ron Artest's charge into the stands to deliver retribution for a tossed beverage, saying that any "man" was not only justified, but required under some unwritten code, to defend his honor.

Let's be clear. These men and their defenders have it completely wrong. Strong, secure adults do not feel the need to respond to insults. In fact, the sign of strength and maturity is to do just the opposite and turn away. Unfortunately, this macho mindset has plagued us for too long and has been responsible for everything from gang wars to world wars. And if such thinking is irresponsible when the projectile in question is a carbonated beverage, it is clearly far more serious when the potential projectile could be nuclear-tipped.

It doesn’t have to be this way. In "The Better Angels of Our Nature," about the decline in violence over the course of human history, author Steven Pinker compares the outcomes of the 1914 killing of Archduke Ferdinand, setting off a chain of events that led to WWI and millions of unnecessary deaths, with the Cuban Missile Crisis, which ended without a single casualty. One factor in the different outcomes was that John F. Kennedy had recently read a history of WWI entitled "The Guns of August," with its lesson on how "personal complexes of inferiority and grandeur" led to an escalating game of one upsmanship that resulted in calamity. Thus, against the advice of every advisor and general in the room, he sought to provide Soviet Premier Nikita Kruschev a way to save face by trading removal of obsolete U.S. missiles in Turkey in exchange for complete removal of Soviet missiles in Cuba.

Such is how studying history can avoid fatal reruns. Unfortunately, from our playing fields to our highest office, our society is brimming with emotionally-stunted macho men who refuse to study history, let alone learn its lessons. Instead, they seek to risk the safety of all those around in the name of personal “honor.” On a street corner, the risk is to innocent passersby. On a nuclear-armed world stage, the risk is to humanity itself.

Perhaps we’d be well-served to recall the childhood lesson about sticks and stones and how words can never hurt us – unless we let them.  If a child can learn that lesson, then perhaps so can grown men.